Ares jokes

What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

Honey, I'm home!

Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."

Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."

The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."

The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."

The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."

You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.

KFC proudly presents the kid fryer meal where our fillets are made out of kids. 😎 1 like = more kids in our fryer.

A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

You need to be a complete dick.

How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?

Are you 7/11 or 9/11?

Why are gay people so bad at math? Because they can't multiply.

Roses are red, potato chips are savory...

The United States prison system is legalized slavery.

Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?

Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.

Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.

How is slavery different from Pokémon?

There are different types of Pokémon.

People claim that Trump has Russian ties. That’s not true, just some crazy conspiracy theorists. All of Trump's ties are made in China.

You are so ugly, Hello Kitty had to say bye-bye.