Ares jokes
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?
A: Because they're intended for a young audience.
Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.
Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin, and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?
A black guy.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
Why are people from New York so bad at chess?
Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
Why are most vacuums gay?
They’re always coming out of the closet.
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.
Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.
What time are most dentist appointments? Tooth hurty.
Roses are red, violets are blue, she is hot, but you're as ugly as poo.