Ares jokes
If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?
A: Because they're intended for a young audience.
What's the difference between a cactus and a school bus?
On a bus all the little pricks are on the inside.
Millions of people are doing the exact same thing as you are right now.
Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin, and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?
A black guy.
If you are what you eat,
why is Jeffrey Dahmer white?
What are the three worst years of a black child's life?
First grade!
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Why are people from New York so bad at chess?
Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).
A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"