Ares jokes
Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.
Roses are red. The sun isn't shining. My mental state is rapidly declining.
Did you know emo kids are the highest jumpers in the world? Some are still up there!
Grocery stores are like IKEA: you have to assemble the food yourself.
One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."
The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."
Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world? Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...
Are you electricity? 'Cause I wanna get a bath with you ;)
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
Jokes are not funny.
Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.
Are you my depression, because I’m falling for you?
You lot are sick sons of bitches!
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.
Who are the quickest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They went through 34 stories in 4 seconds.
A boy and girl are fucking. The girl yells "Senpai!" The boy smiles, pleased, but then her father walks in and says "What?"
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Autistic kids are like cats. Prove me wrong.
Welcome to the Fast Food Divorce Center where yesterday's lies are today's fries.