Ares jokes
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
Why are most vacuums gay?
They’re always coming out of the closet.
Why are people from New York so bad at chess?
Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).
A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"
Memes
nice
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫
Tell an old person to pretend [they are] shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see!
Yo mama so fat, her cheeks are in different time zones.
Why are Asians so bad at baseball? ... Because they ate the bat!
Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?
One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.
What in the world jumps the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.
Are you a school? 'Cause I wanna shoot kids in you.
You are able to travel to the anime world, believe me, Michael Jackson did it.
I don't need a punchline. Karens are the only joke I need.
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown,
Your mom's so hot,
I put her down.