Ares jokes
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
Are you a gun, because I would be your bullets because I love going in children.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
Why are the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, and I got plane'd.
If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.
Why are Indians so good at football?
Each time they get a corner, they open a shop.
Roses are red, violets are bl-- oh yeah, I'm bad at jokes.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can also tell if they are standing.
Are you the Twin Towers?
Because I want to smash you.
Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"
My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.
Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.
I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"
Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."
When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say "I'm a real boy."
(I'm a trans man myself lol)
What are a group of depressed people called?
A suicide squad.
What is a orphan's favorite song?
"We Are Family."