Ares jokes
Q: What are cheetahs?
A: The worst card players!
Tell who we are.
If you ever thought you were gay, remember that cockroaches exist.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find home.
How are you and an orphan similar?
Both of your fathers are invisible.
You realize we are tolerating you, right?
Orphans are monkeys.
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
Are you a gun, because I would be your bullets because I love going in children.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
Why are the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, and I got plane'd.
If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.
Why are Indians so good at football?
Each time they get a corner, they open a shop.
Roses are red, violets are bl-- oh yeah, I'm bad at jokes.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.