Apple jokes

My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.

What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?

They're both hanging from a tree.

What does a Chinese do when you throw an apple at him? Ka-ching!

Lil Johnny's teacher wanted to play an alphabet game, so she said, "What word starts with A?" Lil Johnny raised his hand fast, but she knew that he would say "ass," so she picked on Sally and she said, "Apple." She said, "What word starts with B?" Little Johnny raised his hand as fast as he could, but she knew that he would say something like "bitch," so she picked on Emmanuel and Emmanuel said, "Banana." She went all the way to W. Little Johnny raises hand as fast as he could again, and the teacher thought of a cuss word that could start with the letter W. She could not think of a cuss word that could start with W, so she called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny said, "Wow." The teacher said, "Good job." Then Little Johnny said, "Like wow, two elephants fucking!"

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher said, "Okay class, what's behind my back?" She said, "It's round and red," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's an apple!" And the teacher said, "No, but I like where you're going with this." So now the teacher said, "It is also used to make multiple things," and Sally said, "Ooh, ooh, it's a container of paint!" And the teacher said, "Again, no, but I like where you're going with this." And the teacher said, "It's a ball of yarn," as she pulled it out from behind her back. Then Little Johnny said, "Okay, my turn." He said, "What's in my pocket? It's round and it has a head." And the teacher said, "That's enough, Johnny, now sit down." And Little Johnny pulled the thing out of his pocket and said, "It's a nickel, but I like where you're going with this."

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What did Adam say when he saw Eve?

Answer: "Woman!"

What's red and has 7 dents? Snow White's cherry.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.

What's the difference between an emo and a banana?

They both hang like apples.

Apple made a new product for Chinese people called the iOpener.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples are actually picked.

Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."

What does an apple and a gay person have in common?

Both fruits hang in trees out in the Middle East.

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple got picked.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.