Apple jokes
Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?
"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."
What was the oak tree's response to the apple tree's joke?
You should leaf it alone!
Why do orphans pick apples? Because that's the only thing they can pick.
Why do orphans die young?
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
What did Eve say to Adam?
"That is rock hard."
Did you know curing boredom is quite simple?
For instance, you could pretend to be an apple by tying a rope around your neck for a stem.
What do orphans and apples not have in common? Apples get picked.
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?
A crab apple!
Why were the apple and orange all alone? Because the banana "split."
What’s the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked!
Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."
The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.
The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.
The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.
What’s the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
Stephen Hawking robbed the Apple store looking for a charger.
3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?
Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and the kid I kidnapped?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why do you call a pineapple a pineapple?
Because it is a pineapple, pin, apple, apple, pen, doudodo.
Guy: Fight me on Xbox. Guy: Oh right, you don't have one *laughs*
Me: Fight me in real life. Me: Oh right, you don't have a real life. *INSERTS APPLE BOTTOM JEANS*
2021-2022
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.
What do suicidal people and apples have in common?
They both hang from trees.