Appearance jokes
TJ's hairline is so far back, if you travel back in time, you still won't find it.
You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."
You're so skinny, you use chapstick as deodorant.
Your hairline is more bent than your gender.
You're so ugly, you made Hello Kitty say, "Goodbye."
What did Scorpion say to the ugly person?
"STAY OVER THERE!"
Your fat!
You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.
Want to hear a joke?
Your face.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's logo!
Boy: Hey! I love you...
Girl: Eww, you are so ugly.
*boy sent a pic of his dic*
Girl: Beauty doesn't matter in love.
Trump is so orange that he makes the Oompa Loompas look white.
So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"
If you are talking to an Indian and notice a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what you said... They are recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
At school, this gurl was like, "You're ugly!" And I'm like, "Gurl, your mirror cracks the moment you step in front of it."
Yo mama so ugly that she turned Medusa to stone.
You're so ugly you scared the crap out of the toilet!
Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.