Appearance jokes

What is it about a beard and glasses that children find so sexy?

What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!

I got 99 problems but a chin ain't one.

Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license photo!

Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.

My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.

Mom: That's why your dad left you.

Me: Why?

Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.

Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!

Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!

(This actually did happen in real life.)

Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"

You're so ugly, you made Hello Kitty say, "Goodbye."

You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.

Your forehead is so big someone thought it was a billboard.

You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."

Your hairline is more bent than your gender.

TJ's hairline is so far back, if you travel back in time, you still won't find it.

Bro, your hairline is still missing. Even Dora the Explorer can't discover it!

The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.

The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought the Grinch was ugly until I saw you.

Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."

Roses are dead. violets are dying. Outside I'm smiling. Inside I'm crying.