Appearance jokes

A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.

"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"

And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.

"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"

And so he did.

Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?

Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.

Two bald dudes were pulling each other's hair.

Boy: Hey! I love you...

Girl: Eww, you are so ugly.

*boy sent a pic of his dic*

Girl: Beauty doesn't matter in love.

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

Your hairline's so far back, even Andrew Tate rejected it.

Your hairline and your eyebrows are like your parents, separated.

Your hairline is so curvy now, Ice Spice has competition!

Yo mama is so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, it cracked.

Your hairline is so far back that your forehead looks like a growing parasite!

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.

How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple, you don't.

Big, ugly, and very weird.

Why are you so white?

Because you have no lotion on.

Your mum is so ugly she could make an onion cry.

Yo mama so ugly, she looks like a green bean with googly eyes.

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"