Appearance jokes

Yo mama so hairy, she braids her eyebrows.

My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"

Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?

A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.

"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"

And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.

"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"

And so he did.

Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?

Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.

Two bald dudes were pulling each other's hair.

Boy: Hey! I love you...

Girl: Eww, you are so ugly.

*boy sent a pic of his dic*

Girl: Beauty doesn't matter in love.

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!

Yo mama is so ugly, she walked in a haunted house and walked out with a job application.

Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"

You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"

Your mama is so ugly, she summoned Bloody Mary.

She handed her an application through the mirror.

Your mama is so ugly! Ghostface from Scream won't even make that call!

Your hairline goes so far back that even your mom couldn’t see it.

You're so ugly that your birth certificate is an apology.

Your hairline is pushed back farther than G.T.A. 6.

Your forehead is so big, I bet your dreams are in IMAX.

Your forehead is so big you can land a jumbo jet on it.

Sometimes I feel ugly, then remember I have a brother, then I feel better.

Your forehead's so big that I was tryna figure out if that was you or the moon.