ANS jokes

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."

The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."

The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."

The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."

  • 2

    • An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."

    A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."

    An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.

    The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."

    An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."

  • 0

    • A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

    The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."

    The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."

    The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

  • 0

    • Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.

    Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?

    Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.

  • 3

    • What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?

    An ingestigation.

    Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."