ANS jokes
What's the difference between a baby and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.
How do you start an Ethiopian rave?
Stick toast to the ceiling.
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?
Octopied.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?
An Amish Mechanic.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
What's better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw.
What do you call an atheist bone? -- A blasfemur.
Why did the author go to the emergency room?
His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.
What do Japanese men do when they vote?
They have an erection.
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.