Animal jokes
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?
It had a ruff night. 😂
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
Memes
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Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.
So here's the joke. A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.
Now, my wrists look like a tiger.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Lion 🦁.
Lion who?
Lion again, aren't you?
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
Q: What kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip.
I made that one up.
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
What do you call a bunch of sheep rolling down the hill?
A. A lamb slide.
Why did the lion lose the race? Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Why don't oysters share their pearls?
Because they're shellfish!
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.