Animal jokes

What do you call an idiotic cow?

A mis-steak!

Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?

It had a ruff night. 😂

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?

"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"

So here's the joke. A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz

How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.

Why did the dog join the marching band?

Because he had his trum-bone.

My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.

Now, my wrists look like a tiger.

What do you call a house with dog hair?

A shed.

Q: What kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip.

I made that one up.

Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.

What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Lion 🦁.

Lion who?

Lion again, aren't you?

Why did the lion lose the race? Because he was playing with a cheetah.

Why don't oysters share their pearls?

Because they're shellfish!

How did the octopus go to the war?

Well armed.

How does the bunny keep his fur neat?

With a hare brush.

Where do otters come from? Otter space.

What do you call a paralyzed turtle?

Shell shocked.