Animal jokes
What do you call a cow that's beating his meat? Beef stroganoff!
"Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Like if your best friend has a dog.
So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.
A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?
It had a ruff night. 😂
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.
Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."
Q: What kind of club do roosters go to? A: The Chicken Strip.
I made that one up.
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Lion 🦁.
Lion who?
Lion again, aren't you?
What do you call a bunch of sheep rolling down the hill?
A. A lamb slide.