I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A stego-sore-ass.
A grasshopper jumps into a bar.
The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.
(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”
A: The chicken.
Mufasa, proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?
Haaaaaaay!
I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on.
What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.
Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"
Jimmy: "That's great!"
Doctor: "A horse with cancer."
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
What does a cow watch?
MooTube.
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?
Because he kept on running out of the pen.
