Animal jokes
what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A stego-sore-ass.
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.
Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
A grasshopper jumps into a bar.
The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.
(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”
A: The chicken.
If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?
Haaaaaaay!
Mufasa, proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
Three rednecks, Billy, Joe, and John, are talking about their hobbies. They agree on shooting. John says, "I like shooting animals." Joe says, "I like shooting birds." Billy says, "I like shooting cans." Joe and John ask, "What kind of cans, like bear cans, Pepsi cans, or cola cans?" Billy responds, "Africans, Mexicans, Jamaicans, and Asian Americans."
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on.
What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.
Why did the man say chickens were lucky?
Because they get killed and eaten.
Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"
Jimmy: "That's great!"
Doctor: "A horse with cancer."