Animal jokes

I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

A stego-sore-ass.

What has four legs and one arm?

A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.

Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.

I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.

Mufasa, proof that cats don't always land on their feet.

A grasshopper jumps into a bar.

The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."

The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"

Why'd the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.

(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”

A: The chicken.

If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?

Haaaaaaay!

Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.

What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A dead goldfish.

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance, they looked like hare.

Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"

How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on.

What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.

Why did the man say chickens were lucky?

Because they get killed and eaten.

Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"

Jimmy: "That's great!"

Doctor: "A horse with cancer."

What kind of bee can't fly?

A KOBE.

What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.