Animal jokes
what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
PORK-CHOP
what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A stego-sore-ass.
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.
A grasshopper jumps into a bar.
The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"
Mufasa, proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.
(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”
A: The chicken.
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?
Haaaaaaay!
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
Why did the man say chickens were lucky?
Because they get killed and eaten.