Animal jokes
lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.
what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.
what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A stego-sore-ass.
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?
Haaaaaaay!
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
A grasshopper jumps into a bar.
The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"
Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.
Mufasa, proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.
(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”
A: The chicken.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.
Why did the man say chickens were lucky?
Because they get killed and eaten.