Animal jokes
Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."
I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.
what do you call a chicken who crossed the road?........suicidal.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A stego-sore-ass.
A grasshopper jumps into a bar.
The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"
Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the gay (guys/girls) house.
(Wait awhile) then ask “knock knock?” Other person says “Who’s there?”
A: The chicken.
Mufasa, proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?
Haaaaaaay!
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.
Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A dead goldfish.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on.
Why did the man say chickens were lucky?
Because they get killed and eaten.