Animal jokes
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
*electric noises*
Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?
A: He was caught littering.
What do you call a cow in the snow?
Chilli Beef.
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!
What do you call a camel stranded in the desert of Arabia?
A Shawarmano Cameldo!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because KFC was offering free seeds.
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. Y'all knew this one, fr.
What do tigers wear in the winter?
A striped sweater.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
I like turtles.
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.