Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
What's a horse's favorite football player? NEIGH-mar!
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
What is a cow's favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
What’s a homo police dog?
A gay-9.
A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.
Why was the cheetah so bad at hide and seek?
No matter where she hid, she was always spotted.
