Animal jokes
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
What do you call a cow in the snow?
Chilli Beef.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?
A: He was caught littering.
Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"
What is a frog's favorite drink?
Croaka-cola!
Whenever I see a dog video, I just take a second to press paws.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was running from you, hehe.
The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!
Why are camels known as ships of the desert?
Because they’re full of Arab semen.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. Y'all knew this one, fr.
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.
Why is a bee's hair so smooth and sticky?
Because they use honeycombs.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
I like turtles.