Animal jokes
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Answer:
To prove it wasn't chicken!
Chihuahua?
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
I fiddled your mum last night, she fucking moaned like a fucking wilder beast.
What do you call an alpaca of Pakistani nationality?
An alpaki.
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
What is a fish without an eye?
A fsh, LOL!
Like if you blow male cows?
Women be like if men are gone, Earth would be a better place, (forgetting) women help to create war, weapons, animal and human cruelty, and have helped to enforce laws that oppress them.
I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.
The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?
A milkshake.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flat-mate.
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot!
What do you give a pig when it has a rash?
Oinkment.
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks.
"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?"
"Sofishticated."