Animal jokes

Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?

A: He was caught littering.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"

What is a frog's favorite drink?

Croaka-cola!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side. Y'all knew this one, fr.

I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮‍💨

What do tigers wear in the winter?

A striped sweater.

I like turtles.

You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.

If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.

(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)

What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?

They both choke on plastic.

We just got a new chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable.

What's a penguin's favorite relative?

Aunt Arctic.

Why was the dog stealing shingles?

He wanted to be a woofer.

Q: What do you call a cranky cow?

A: Moooooooody.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Why is a bee's hair so smooth and sticky?

Because they use honeycombs.

Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

What has two legs and is red all over?

Half a cat.