Animal jokes
What's a penguin's favorite relative?
Aunt Arctic.
What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. Y'all knew this one, fr.
Memes
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
I like turtles.
What's a horse's favorite football player? NEIGH-mar!
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do tigers wear in the winter?
A striped sweater.
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
What is a cow's favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!