Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. Y'all knew this one, fr.
Animal Jokes
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
I like turtles.
What's a horse's favorite football player? NEIGH-mar!
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do tigers wear in the winter?
A striped sweater.
What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
What is a cow's favorite drink?
Mountain Moo!
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
What’s a homo police dog?
A gay-9.
A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
... douse it in gasoline and set it on fire! "woof!"
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.
