Animal

Animal jokes

Pig

Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?

Because he kept on running out of the pen.

Mississippi

Two Italian men get on a bus.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.

Den I come.

Den two asses come together.

I come once-a-more.

Two asses, they come together again.

I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

Cow

A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...

The steaks were pretty high.

Syndrome

Named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I can say, “Get down, Syndrome!”

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  • Memes

    Difference

    What’s the difference between a bird and a human?

    “We don’t eat with our peckers.”

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  • Llama

    My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.

    He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."

    Moo

    "Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

    Chicken

    Why did the man say chickens were lucky?

    Because they get killed and eaten.

    Cow

    What do you call a cow that's beating his meat? Beef stroganoff!

    Dog

    Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.

    But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.

    Necrophilia

    Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?

    That's what happened to my dog.

    Tattoo

    Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?

    He got inked up.

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  • Shooting

    Three rednecks, Billy, Joe, and John, are talking about their hobbies. They agree on shooting. John says, "I like shooting animals." Joe says, "I like shooting birds." Billy says, "I like shooting cans." Joe and John ask, "What kind of cans, like bear cans, Pepsi cans, or cola cans?" Billy responds, "Africans, Mexicans, Jamaicans, and Asian Americans."

    Dog

    Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?

    It had a ruff night. 😂

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  • Blind guy

    So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

    A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."