Animal jokes
Why did the man say chickens were lucky?
Because they get killed and eaten.
How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on.
Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"
Jimmy: "That's great!"
Doctor: "A horse with cancer."
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
So here's the joke. A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz
What do furries and fast food lovers have in common? They both love hot dogs.
Mary had a little lamb. Chick, chick, bam! No more lamb.
What does a cow watch?
MooTube.
Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?
Because he kept on running out of the pen.
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
What do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly mammoth.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
Named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I can say, “Get down, Syndrome!”
What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?
Octopied.
Where do rabbits eat breakfast?
IHOP.
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
"Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Where do otters come from? Otter space.
I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.