Animal jokes
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
Are you a dog because you're a fucking bitch?
How do asses communicate?
Through booty calls!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It just felt like it.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.
Hehehe
Which category is glory in?
Cats.
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
What do you call a dog that's faced backwards?
A god.
We were discussing cows in a lesson. I asked my teacher why she was one.
Where do Eagles send their children to study?
The Alpha birds.
What is a dog that you can drive?
A big doggy car.
What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?
Oooooooooh girl, you lion!
What is a dog?
A pet.
Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."
Where do rabbits take baths and wash their asses?
What type of bird does not have feathers on itself?
A bald eagle.
What did the fish say when he got to the dam?
"Dam water."
"Dam!"
Why did the octopus cross the road?
Who knows and who cares?
A paradigm are so bad, go away from fast and fast and faster than a rabbit. Once upon a time there was a rabbit who teased a tortoise. The tortoise challenged the rabbit to a race. The race began and the rabbit ran fast as the tortoise walked slow. The rabbit thought the tortoise could not come here so slow, so he decided to take a nap. As he took a nap, the tortoise walked past through him and soon the rabbit woke. He ran as fast as he could, but when he came to the end, the rabbit saw the tortoise and then the rabbit never teased the tortoise again.
A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.
And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"
And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."