Animal jokes
Why did the ducks go to jail?
They sold quack.
What kind of bull doesn’t have horns?
A bullfrog!
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
What's the difference between a cow and a pig?
One is a pig.
Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.
And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.
And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"
Why did the man cross the road?
Because his dick was stuck in the chicken!
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
What has four legs and one arm? A rottweiler at a park.
What is it called when a bull lies about other bulls?
Bullying.
(Note: this joke is not one of the worst jokes ever because it is obscene or offensive; it’s just a bad joke.) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re dead.
What is mad cow disease?
Your mama is so fat that when she went to the scale, it said, "No elephants allowed!"
What is a pig crossed with a pineapple?
A porkypine!
If you humped a whale, it would humpback.
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."
Now their owner is dying.
HAHAHAHA
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?