Animal jokes
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl say.
Owl say who?
Yes, they do.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
What do you call a fish with no neck?
What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?
It got pissed off.
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?
"Man, I blew 50 bucks in there."
Why did the baby cow cross the road?
To find its mom who has the milk.
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
I cried when Dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.
What did the rapper name his new DOG?
Lil Bark.
What do you call a club that owls go to?
Hooters.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalottapuss.
Nolan is a mole, who lives in a hole, and then had intercourse with a troll.
If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.