Animal jokes
I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.
The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs? No point in calling, he won't come anyway :(
What is a cow’s favorite newspaper?
The Daily Moos.
What do George Washington and a beaver have in common?
They both have eyes.
Memes
Dog: Woof!
Butcher: Say less.
What did the fox say to the fire?
You look hot!
How does a donkey open a door?
With a don-key.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other site? Ah hah hah hah hah!
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
What do nerds and chicks have in common? They both have four eyes.
Yo mama so ugly, she the real reason all the dodos died.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
I couldn't find my cat, and then my pillow started meowing.
What do you call a gay Megalodon?
Magalogay.
Why didn't the dog want to play football??
'Cause he was a boxer!
What do you call a bird with no feet? A fly.
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
What happens if a boy bumps into a dog?
It’s a bumper team.
Why did the chicken cross the rooooo o oooad?