Animal jokes
Why do orphans like cows?
Because when they leave, they bring back the milk.
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they're all shellfish.
What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.
What happens when you eat a cat?
I love to eat cats for dinner!
Why did the frog cross the road?
To show his gang that he had guts.
Can bees fly in the rain?
Not if they don't have their yellow jackets!
Once a bird went to search for food. Then suddenly he saw grain on a road. When he saw a bullock cart, he said, "That's too far away." Then the bullock immediately came, and the king bird came, and the deceitful bird said, "Sorry, Majesty, I was wrong to eat this on the road." And then he died, and the king bird goes back and tells everybody about it.
Why do elephants paint their toes red, blue, green, orange, brown, and yellow?
So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.
What’s another name for a cow?
You... cause you're fat.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What is mad cow disease?
I like tortles.
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.
If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?
Why did the cow cross the road?
'Cause he wanted to go to a moooooooooooooooooooooooovie.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
A special quote: “No, Mackenzie! You're the savage beast!”
What bird doesn’t need a comb?
Bald eagles.