Animal jokes
What do you call New York City?
A human zoo.
The tortoise was swimming through the lake. His head got stuck in plastic. He said, "Oh dam."
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs? No point in calling, he won't come anyway :(
You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.
Why didn't the dog want to play football??
'Cause he was a boxer!
God is you... If you have a dog
How come Mr. Squirrel watches porn sometimes?
Sometimes he feels like a nut, sometimes he don't.
Dog: Woof!
Butcher: Say less.
What did the fox say to the fire?
You look hot!
What do you call a bird with no feet? A fly.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other site? Ah hah hah hah hah!
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
What eats nuts and bolts? A squirrel that’s running late!
I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.
What happens to the crow in the earthquake?
It turned into a milkshake. 🤔😂
A young boy asked his Dad, "Was it true that we come from a Stork?"
Dad said, "It is, Son."
Son says, "Who fucks a Stork?"
What are 8 people hiding in a corner because they're scared?
An octopus.
What’s the difference between 9/11 and a dead cow?
You can’t milk a dead cow for 20 years.
A monkey eats cheese. He was lactose intolerant.
Our hairline goes way back before dinosaurs lived.
Why are bees' hair sticky?
Because they use honeycombs!