Animal jokes
Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to his owner.
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!
Why did the penguin pull out a tooth? It was Mexican.
I am a sheep.
What is a mouse’s 🐭 favorite side order?
Cheese Fries 🍟😋
Why are cows such great dancers?
They have all the best moooves!
What's yellow, slimy, and smells like bananas?
Monkey puke.
Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.
And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.
And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"
What did the zoo say to the snow ❄️? Get lost!
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.
Why did the chickens cross the road?
To get to KFC.
I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday.
This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.
All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?
Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.
The cow was stuck because 3 retarded piggies were blocking him.
What did the cow say to the pigs, "MOOOVE!"
Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.
What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?
Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.
Suck my cheetah.
Why do orphans love dogs?
Because dogs stay with them.