Animal jokes
What is the cheetah's favorite candy? Cheetos.
How do you get a Koala to fall asleep?
Sing a koala-by.
Who is white, hairy, and rusty in the tree?
It's Rambo Rabbit with a big gun that was.
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
Why did the frog cross the road?
To show his gang that he had guts.
my cat
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
Do you know how a snail has a "nail," why can't it be a nut?
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Meat."
Teacher: "Very good. Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon."
Teacher: "And finally, what does the fat cow give you?"
One of the students: "Homework!"
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Bear.
Bear who?
Bear bum!
What's a bison's favorite gun?
A PP Bizon.
What did the kangaroo 🦘 bring to the cookout?
A jump rope!
What do you call a cow on steroids? A bull-y.
What do you call a suspicious dog?
A sussy bark-er.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
What do you call a priest that is a furry?
A Catholic.
What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
I named my dog Chicken.
I love eating chicken.
There was a dino at the library today. It was reading a thesaurus.
Why didn't the octopus get a tent? Because it had tentacles.