Animal jokes
What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.
I say we shouldn’t do any jokes about dogs cause dogs are the best, but cats suck.
Barack Obama and Tork Poettschke are at the Natural History Museum. They stop in front of a showcase.
"These are the eggs from the ostrich!"
"Aha, and where are Trump's eggs?"
Why did the deer go to the dentist?
It had buck teeth.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Q. What's a dog's favourite type of sex? A. Ruff.
Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.
Your mama is so fat that when she went to the scale, it said, "No elephants allowed!"
What did the shell say to the shell?
"Shell you later."
I have a rooster farm because I love small cocks.
One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.
And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.
And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.
What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?
"Man, I blew 50 bucks in there."
Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours belongs in a place worse than a zoo.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ruff ruff.
Ruff ruff who?
Let the dogs out.
What do you call crabs that do not share their food?
They are shellfish! (ノ≧∀≦)ノ
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
When can an elephant use an umbrella and not get wet?
When it's not raining.
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
The unicorn was so much better, and I love it!