Animal

Animal Jokes

Cat

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"

Monkey

One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.

And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.

And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.

Horse

Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?

Option one: Horses can't speak at all.

Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.

Cow

Holy cow!

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

Face

Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours belongs in a place worse than a zoo.

Mama

Your mama is so fat that when she went to the scale, it said, "No elephants allowed!"

Eagle

What do a mole and an eagle have in common?

They live underground, except for the eagle. Lol.

Mom

Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"