How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
What did the shell say to the shell?
"Shell you later."
One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.
And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.
And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
Which Roman emperor was a mouse?
Julius Cheeser.
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
Holy cow!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
What is King Kong for dinner?
Humans.
What do you call a deer with no ear?
One ear.
Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours belongs in a place worse than a zoo.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ruff ruff.
Ruff ruff who?
Let the dogs out.
Your mama is so fat that when she went to the scale, it said, "No elephants allowed!"
Why did the rooster go to the train station to get the pizza?
I have a rooster farm because I love small cocks.
The unicorn was so much better, and I love it!
What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They live underground, except for the eagle. Lol.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To slide into your mom's bed.
What's every elderly person's spirit animal? The blue tang fish.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultrygeist!
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
