Animal jokes
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Barack Obama and Tork Poettschke are at the Natural History Museum. They stop in front of a showcase.
"These are the eggs from the ostrich!"
"Aha, and where are Trump's eggs?"
Why is the cheetah super good at hide and seek tag? Because he was too fast!
What’s the difference between 9/11 and a dead cow?
You can’t milk a dead cow for 20 years.
Memes
cat..............Just a cat here
A young boy asked his Dad, "Was it true that we come from a Stork?"
Dad said, "It is, Son."
Son says, "Who fucks a Stork?"
How do cows get their milk? The moo market.
What do you call a pig that does Karate?
Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."
Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"
Someone: . . .
What do you call a legless cow?
Handicapped and stupid and monke and food.
Did you know penguins can fly if you throw them hard enough? Just like children!
What's the difference between an orange?
A hippopotamus riding a four-door motorcycle.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To cut through traffic.
What's a cheetah's fav food?
Fast food!
Why can't you do a Math test in the zoo?
Because there are too many Cheetahs!
Why do cheetahs always cheat?
What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?
An investigator!
"Police control! Have you been drinking?"
"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"
"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Anything, they can't hear you!
What do you call a helicopter, elephant, and rhino?
Hellephino (Hell if I know)