Animal jokes
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
Who is the gorilla's favorite president of the most recent years? It's Hairy Truman.
Why do animals cross the road?
Because it is funny, do you say "dogs" and "cats?"
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
Answer: Elephino.
How do you f**k a duck?
Usually duck a f**k.
I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...
Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert?
He was stuffed.
What did the grape say when the Meerkat stepped on it?
It said nothing, just let out a little wine.
Why are dogs different than orphans?
Because dogs don't cry for their parents.
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the other site? Ah hah hah hah hah!
What is a pig's favorite part of karate?
A pork chop.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
When did the cheetah steal from the bakery?
On Black Friday!!!
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
One time an ant was collecting food. Suddenly, a wind pushed the ant into the river. The ant said, "Help! Help!" and a pigeon heard it. Then, he grabbed a leaf and threw it in the river. The ant climbed on it, and then the pigeon and the ant became best friends. But one time, a hunter came to kill the pigeon. When the ant saw him, she bit his leg and the pigeon flew away from the arrow, and that's how friends are, everybody.
Why do women have legs? Because they would leave snail tracks wherever they went.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look the same? Identical!
Where does an octopus put its money? In an octo-purse!
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"