Animal jokes
What is the worst animal to play cards with? A cheater.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
What do you call a short cow in tall grass? Udderly tickled :)
What did one cat say to the other? Happy "meow"!
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.
Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.
Son, he is dinner.
Why did the baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.
What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a cat?
A: Cowacat
B: Mooore
C: Cowacatfood
What's the difference between a duck?
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To check out the chicks!
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
What key opens a banana?
A monkey.
Why do cheetahs always get 100 on a test?
They’re cheetahs!
What did the cat say when he got mad?
I'm hissed!
If I cut my wrist, am I a zebra or a tiger?