Animal jokes
What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?
"That's nacho cheese!"
Ima start callin' these hoes roosters, 'cause any cock-a-do.
What is a monkey's favorite game? A Hangman!
Why was the duck fired from the train station?
He was a bad conducktor!
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
Day 18
What do you call seagulls that fly over a bay? Bay-gulls.
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!
What did the tiger say to the bunny?
Nice to meat you!
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
Put them in a barking lot!
Why couldn't the GREAT WHITE beat the HAMMERHEAD?
because the GREAT WHITE kept getting BONKED on the HEAD by the HAMMERHEAD!
Driving through the woods today, I saw a boy with a bare behind.
What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?
Hippo-POT-amus!
Man: Knock, knock...
Boy: Who's there?
Man: Bear...
Boy: Bear who?
Man: Bear bottom.
What is shark's favorite day?
Chewsday.
What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon!
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor