Animal jokes
Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
A: To find Pooh!
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow herd.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
What is the most musical part of a chicken?
The drumstick.
What goes zzub-zzub?
A bee flying backwards.
One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"
The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.
I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...
Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.
What did the taco say to the Sea Turtle? I like your shell!
You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
Which way did the cow jump over the moon?
- The Milky Way!
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.