Animal jokes
What do you call a dog with no legs?
My asian neighbors dinner.
Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
A: To find Pooh!
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow herd.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
What is the most musical part of a chicken?
The drumstick.
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
What goes zzub-zzub?
A bee flying backwards.
One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"
The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
What did the taco say to the Sea Turtle? I like your shell!
You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.
I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...
Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.
I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
Which way did the cow jump over the moon?
- The Milky Way!
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.