Animal jokes
What do you call a dog with no legs?
My asian neighbors dinner.
Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
A: To find Pooh!
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow herd.
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
What is the most musical part of a chicken?
The drumstick.
What goes zzub-zzub?
A bee flying backwards.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"
The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
What did the taco say to the Sea Turtle? I like your shell!
I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...
Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.
You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.
I got jealous of the zebras. Sorry, I’ll cut it out. I wanted to practice for my med school test.
Where did the sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
Which way did the cow jump over the moon?
- The Milky Way!
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.