Animal jokes
What goes boo in a car with no lips?
Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?
A: Eggs.
Why don't chickens and sheep get along?
Because they have beef between them.
If a chicken flies into the plane and the plane crashes, whose fault is it?
A: The driver's. Chickens can't fly.
What did the cow say to the other cow?
Moo you fine.
What did the pig say when he was in the sun?
I'm bacon.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
What do you call a cow that no one likes? The mooser.
Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.
A dog talks to another dog and says,
"Wow, you're a hot dog!"
What does a dog do in a dresser?
It pants!
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
What is a dog's favorite music?
Pup rock
Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.
Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.
And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...
Why is the cheetah so bad at hide-n-seek? Because every time she hides, she will always [be] spotted.
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”