Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!
Animal Jokes
Rabbit poop is cereal.
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing!
If seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay?
Bagels.
What is a rabbit's favorite type of jewelry?
Carats.
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.
You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.
This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"
So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."
They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
He was also dead.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
He was stapled to the first one.
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."
Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.
What is the difference between a cow and me?
Nothing.
Why did the squirrel swim on its back?
So it didn't get its nuts wet.
I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.
I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale!
What is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.
Are you an egg, because you crack me up?
