Animal jokes
what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.
What’s the difference between 9/11 and a dead cow?
You can’t milk a dead cow for 20 years.
Why is the cheetah super good at hide and seek tag? Because he was too fast!
Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?
It's pretty much a downward spiral.
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.
The 🦅 asked the female eagle, "What did you eat?"
"I ate New York hot dogs."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
An interrupting cow.
And inter-moo!
Uranus is a cow, You may be wondering, how?
Uranus farts methane, And cows do the same.
Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?
Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.
Who would win in a race, Stephen Hawking or a turtle?
The turtle, because it can walk.
Why are bears' hair so sticky?
Because they use honeycombs.
If a vegan and a vegan have a fight, is it still considered beef?
Why are bees' hair sticky?
Because they use honeycombs!
Dream Stans: Technoblade died too soon.
Technoblade's Dad: He was only 23 years old!
Pig's average lifespan: Only 15 – 20 years (23 years old is way above).
The shark bit me and I feet red down my legs.
So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.
"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"
"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"
And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:
"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"
Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"