Animal jokes
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
What did mama cow say to baby cow? -- "It's pasture bedtime."
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
What animal is best at hitting a baseball? -- A bat.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
Where do cows keep their historical cultural artifacts?
In the mooseum.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Where do cows go on holiday? -- Moo Zealand.
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.
How does a cow become invisible? -- Through camooflage.
Why are theaters popular among cows?
They enjoy watching moovies.