Animal jokes
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
What kind of dog can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.
Why didn't the bear go to college?
Because bears don't go to college.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
What do gay horses eat?
Horse dick.
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.
She was eaten by a giant crab.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the beach, the people shout, "Free Willy!"