Animal jokes
Why don't blind people like bungee jumping?
Because it scares the fuck out of dogs!
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt?
An Amish Mechanic.
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
What is it called when a bull lies about other bulls?
Bullying.
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?
"Deja moo!"
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
What did mama cow say to baby cow? -- "It's pasture bedtime."
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.