Animal jokes
Q: What do you call a cow with only two legs?
A: Lean meat.
What did the frog say to the pedophile?
What's black, white, and "read" all over?
A zebra after a lion is full.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the knucklehead's house...
Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
Why did the bat fall out of the tree?
It couldn’t hang in there.
A goat drank my Red Bull, so now it's a Baphomet!
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
What did the cheetah tell the other cheetah when they had a test?
"Cheetah, cheetah!"
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
Went to my local Indian restaurant and asked the waiter for a chicken tarka Masala.
The waiter said, "What's that?"
I said, "It's the same as a tikka, just a little otter."
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
Why did the cheetah get disqualified?
Because he was a cheetah, duh!
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt, quack!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lick-a-lotta-puss.
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
A horse, a fox, and a bunny join together and make a rock band. They started doing tiny gigs, but they got famous and went on tour. They all got so famous it went to their heads, and the band disbanded. The fox made his, and the bunny made her own. The horse was sad that the band was no more, so he went to a bar, and the bartender asked why the long face?
Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.
Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.
Son, he is dinner.