"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"
Animal Jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
A horse, a fox, and a bunny join together and make a rock band. They started doing tiny gigs, but they got famous and went on tour. They all got so famous it went to their heads, and the band disbanded. The fox made his, and the bunny made her own. The horse was sad that the band was no more, so he went to a bar, and the bartender asked why the long face?
Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.
Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.
Son, he is dinner.
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
What kind of pictures do turtles take?
Shelfies.
A man and a cow walk into a McDonalds, and the man walks up to the front counter and says, “I’d like one beef burger.” The employee of McDonalds said, “Sure thing sir, also I really like to see your cow, may I bring him into the back room really quick to show my co-workers?” The man says, “Sure.” The employee takes the cow into the back room. A couple minutes later, the employee came back with his burger. The man took a bite of it, and realized his cow was gone.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Licka-lotta-puss.
Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?
Really?
Well, the one I fucked did.
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
What do you call a grey, fat, and very old unicorn?
A rhino.
What is the cheapest kind of meat?
Deer balls, two for under a buck!
Why did the otter cross the road?
To get to the otter side.
Can I tell you a cat joke?
Yes, 'cause it's purr-fect.
What makes a bird fly?
Bird food!
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
What do you call a goat?
A goat.
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Terrible!
