Animal jokes
I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats, and I'm like, "Water you talking about?" =3
What happens when a cow jumps over a wire fence?
Udder destruction.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
What do you call a dabbing cow?
Udder savagery.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't f***ing matter, it's still not f***ing coming.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.
One dog said to the other dog, "Man, it is hard sleeping on the floor."
The other said, "Really? I like my bed."
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You'd run away too if your name was OAhHhPrhhHK.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Disabled.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.
Hehehe
Why do cows have hooves and not feet? They lactose.
I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.
A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).