Animal jokes
What do lady dogs (bitches) wear to work?
Pant suits.
It was so windy I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice!
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
What do you call 8 x 3.14?
Octopi.
What is a doll's favorite dog? A doll-matian.
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin' off.
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
My life is such an udder disappointment. What an udder failure!
Are you an egg, because you crack me up?
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
A sheep, a snake, and a drum fell off of a cliff.
Baa- Dum- Tsss!
What do you get when you stuff some cows into a food container?
A can o' bull.
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?
TEN-TICKLES
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
Dad: 🦆
Kid: ?
Dad: 🦆🦆
Kid: Huh?
Dad: Ur too late...
Kid: WHAT!
Dad: .... GOOSE!
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
How do fish get to school?
By the octobus.
Whet
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go moooooooooooo, not whooooooooooooooooooooo!