Animal jokes
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
What did the cheetah tell the other cheetah when they had a test?
"Cheetah, cheetah!"
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
Went to my local Indian restaurant and asked the waiter for a chicken tarka Masala.
The waiter said, "What's that?"
I said, "It's the same as a tikka, just a little otter."
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
Why did the cheetah get disqualified?
Because he was a cheetah, duh!
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt, quack!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lick-a-lotta-puss.
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
A horse, a fox, and a bunny join together and make a rock band. They started doing tiny gigs, but they got famous and went on tour. They all got so famous it went to their heads, and the band disbanded. The fox made his, and the bunny made her own. The horse was sad that the band was no more, so he went to a bar, and the bartender asked why the long face?
Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.
Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.
Son, he is dinner.
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
What kind of pictures do turtles take?
Shelfies.
A man and a cow walk into a McDonalds, and the man walks up to the front counter and says, “I’d like one beef burger.” The employee of McDonalds said, “Sure thing sir, also I really like to see your cow, may I bring him into the back room really quick to show my co-workers?” The man says, “Sure.” The employee takes the cow into the back room. A couple minutes later, the employee came back with his burger. The man took a bite of it, and realized his cow was gone.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Licka-lotta-puss.
Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?
Really?
Well, the one I fucked did.
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
What do you call a grey, fat, and very old unicorn?
A rhino.