Animal jokes
What did the blind man say when he walked by the fish store?
"Hello Ladies!"
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it died.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.
Okay, so basically I'm monky.
Women are like dogs...
"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"
"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"
"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."
SHOES
What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.
Him: I work with animals all day.
Her: Awwww what do you do?
Him: I'm a pornstar.
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.
What is it called when a cow sings? A lawsuit.
This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.
What do you call an owl that does magic?
Hooodini.
I went outside to catch some dog, but I mist.
What turns green to red in a flick of a switch?
A frog in a blender.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
My sister has cows, and after 4 months, she said there was a mis-steak.
I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale!
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.