Animal jokes
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.
Kid: Why?
Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.
How do you know if a comedian is high?
Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.
What happened to the gator when he walked into the hospital?
He became Gatorade.
What happened to the alligator when he held a GPS?
He became a navigator.
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
Why don't we wrestle bears?
The pain is un-bearable.
When my dog barks, he gets ruff.
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotofpuss.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
A farmer walks up to his farmer neighbor with a jug of milk. The farmer says, "I milked your cow." The neighbor replies, "I have a bull, not a cow."
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.
What do you call J Cow's new hit? Deja Moo!
What did the porg say to the porg?
Hi Porg.
You're on worst jokes ever. You thought I put up a good joke? HAHAHAH!
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.
You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."