Animal jokes
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.
What is it called when a cow sings? A lawsuit.
This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.
What do you call an owl that does magic?
Hooodini.
I went outside to catch some dog, but I mist.
What turns green to red in a flick of a switch?
A frog in a blender.
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
My sister has cows, and after 4 months, she said there was a mis-steak.
I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale!
Me holding a new cat: Say hi to my little friend!
My friends: Hi to my little friend!
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
What’s white and sticky? A white man's penis after taking care of his neighbor's dog.
Head of Company: "We need to stop testing our products on animals."
Consultant: "Why? The shampoo companies do it."
Head of Company: "Yeah, but we make dildos."
If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.
Shaenaya likes goat dick.
Goats are like mushrooms.
If you shoot a cat, I'm scared of toasters.
I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.