Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
There was a fish looking for a great meal. He looks above him and sees a fly. He thought, "If that fly drops six inches, I would have a meal." Long story short, a pussy gets wet.
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
When you tell an Asian kid itโs raining cats and dogs and heโs like, โJust open your mouth and close your eyes!โ
What did one shark say to the other while eating a clownfish?
Which animal is the least trustworthy?
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, โWow, Iโve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?โ
โPop,โ goes the weasel.
What did Joe Biden say to the dog? I'm gonna molest you.
Why do you stink?
Because you haven't showered, tu, perro.
Hello! Why did the duck cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken!
What is the difference between an orphan and a cat?
The cat is actually cute.
Why did the cow go to outer space?
To see the moooon!
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
What do you call a blind German shepherd?
A Nazi.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! ๐ฆ
