Animal jokes
How do you get a monkey off the wall?
You jerk him off!
What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...
Why did the fish go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling “eel.”
What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? (Dam!)
What's the difference between you and an egg?
An egg gets laid.
How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.
How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.
What do you call a bird orgy?
No bird control.
Octopus, more like octopussy.
One time, me and the bois got drunk and we were on the freeway...
...when the road was closed because a wild animal species named “The Cult” was on the loose.
What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?
"Man, I blew 50 bucks in there."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
I just watched a documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam show I ever saw!
How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?
Tentacles!
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
What do you call a pile of cheese? A cheese grater.
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
I told my sister to make a noise and hear what she said... "Cuckoo coo chew." #Owl🦉
Fam, you weaker than a polar bear!
What’s the difference between a whale and Lizzo?
Absolutely nothing.
What do sharks and humans have alike? The great white one.