Animal jokes
Yesterday, I was on a reality TV show where they locked me up with all those smelly monkeys from the Leger Zoo. It was complete madness.
One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.
And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.
And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.
Are you a dog because you're a fucking bitch?
What's a cheetah's favorite food?
Fast food!
Why do animals cross the road?
Because it is funny, do you say "dogs" and "cats?"
I have a rooster farm because I love small cocks.
Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭
Why did the rooster go to the train station to get the pizza?
What did the shell say to the shell?
"Shell you later."
How do you get a koala to die? Kill it.
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.
It was impossible to put down.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its butt.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
Why did the rape victim cross the road?
Because she was a chicken!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ruff ruff.
Ruff ruff who?
Let the dogs out.
Roses are red, get on your knees, and bark for me!
Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours belongs in a place worse than a zoo.
What do you call a donkey and a potato?
Assround
What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
Back in my day, the chicken dance was where the hen got raped by an angry pack of roosters.