Animal jokes
What did the shell say to the shell?
"Shell you later."
How do you get a koala to die? Kill it.
I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day.
It was impossible to put down.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its butt.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
Why did the rape victim cross the road?
Because she was a chicken!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ruff ruff.
Ruff ruff who?
Let the dogs out.
Roses are red, get on your knees, and bark for me!
Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours belongs in a place worse than a zoo.
What do you call a donkey and a potato?
Assround
What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
Back in my day, the chicken dance was where the hen got raped by an angry pack of roosters.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To go to the Mooovies.
What did the beer can say to the other? "Open me, please!"
What did the coconut say to the other? "Crack!"
Why did the jalapeño cross the road? I got spicy!
Why did the hubcap cross the road? Crack!
Why jazz, Jr. Get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!
What did the tornado cross the road? Let’s spin again!
Why did the turkey get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!
What did the bunny get to the side of the road? Get furry!
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
What do gay horses eat?
Hayyyyy!
I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.
It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.
What do you call a deer with no ear?
One ear.
What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They live underground, except for the eagle. Lol.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he died.