How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
Animal Jokes
What do you call a teddy bear that fooled you?
Stuffed.
Holy cow!
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
What God do rats worship?
Cheesus.
What do fish smoke? A puffer.
You look like a cat.
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
Q: What are cheetahs?
A: The worst card players!
What do you say when your pet pig gets lost?
This is a pig problem!
I had asked my dog what 2 - 2 is...
She said nothing.
What do dogs and planks have in common? They both have to be walked.
Why did the duck walk across the road? I lost my pecker!
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
Why did the pig decline to go to the farmer's house?
He would take him to a "pignic."
Orphans are monkeys.
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?
If a woodchuck could chuck wood?
As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck,
If a woodchuck could chuck wood.
What do birds and autistic people have in common?
They both flap their arms.
Which Roman emperor was a mouse?
Julius Cheeser.
The unicorn was so much better, and I love it!
