Animal jokes
"I work with animals," the man said to his date.
His date said, "I love a man who works with animals. What job is it for the animal?"
"I am a butcher," said the man.
Do you know how a snail has a "nail," why can't it be a nut?
What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn't need a rope to hang.
What did the chicken say after he died? Nothing.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Because he was trying to catch a boomerang.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To become roadkill.
What happened to the chicken after he died? He did not say anything, so I don't know.
What can a duck eat for a snack? Saltine quackers!
Ohh my god, it's a dinosaur with a huge ass mothafuckin' noseeee!!!!
What what's the cloud private place to go? Among us, cows.
Why is the koala not a bear?
It doesn't have the right koalafications.
Humans and sharks have something in common: the great ones are always white.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the chicken coop?
Q: What do you get from a two-legged cow? A: Lean beef.
Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Q: Ten shepherds out in the sheep field. How do you know which one's gay?
A: He's the one the sheep fuck!
(I'm gay, and I know this joke is demeaning and inappropriate, but I still think it's funny as a 2-inch penis.)
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
Question: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Answer: Dam.
What did the swearing hen say?
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" (It's cluck.)
What did the cussing rooster say?
"Cock-a-doodle-doo, phew!"
What is the politically correct term for rabbit shit?
Raisins.