Animal jokes
Humans and sharks have something in common: the great ones are always white.
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the chicken coop?
Q: What do you get from a two-legged cow? A: Lean beef.
Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
Q: Ten shepherds out in the sheep field. How do you know which one's gay?
A: He's the one the sheep fuck!
(I'm gay, and I know this joke is demeaning and inappropriate, but I still think it's funny as a 2-inch penis.)
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
Question: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Answer: Dam.
What did the swearing hen say?
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" (It's cluck.)
What did the cussing rooster say?
"Cock-a-doodle-doo, phew!"
What is the politically correct term for rabbit shit?
Raisins.
What is black, white, and red all over?
A sunburnt zebra.
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
You gonna poop someday.
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
What did the walrus say when they lost the remote?
"Walrus the remote!"
Why couldn't the cowboy go to the rodeo?
He forgot his calves!
Person: "My pony is crazy; it's always horsing around."
What did one squirrel say to the other? "Do you have any nuts?"
What talks high pitched and can't fly?
A gay man in Iran.
You smell like a monkey, and you might have to take a shower, pu.
Why did the gorilla leave the mafia headquarters for good?