Animal jokes
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
I fiddled your mum last night, she fucking moaned like a fucking wilder beast.
What is the difference between a horse and a rabbit?
A horse can't hoop.
What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
MEOM!
A cow was standing in a corn field. The chicken walked by and said annoyingly, "What do I see here? Corned beef!?"
What do you call a bird with no wings?
Moas didn't even know that existed!
What is the cheapest meat?
"Deer balls," they're under a buck!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common?
They both hang from the tree.
What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?
They both hang from trees.
What happened to the dog that crossed the road?
What do you get when you throw holy water on a cow?
A holy cow!
A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.
"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"
Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?
A: He was caught littering.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Q: If there were two moo cows walking down the street, where would they be going?
A: Home to see their mama!
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
What are cheetahs' favorite chips?
Cheetah Puffs!