What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
Pork chop!
Where do ducks poop out of?
From their buttquack.
Cow: *can't be milked for 20 years*
9/11:
Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Act like a nut.
(Psst! Heard this joke before? Sorry! That's the only nut-and-squirrel joke I know.)
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
Teacher: What does a cow say?
Susie: Moo.
Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?
Jimmy: The duck goes quack.
Teacher: Now what does a pig say?
Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"
I smell like skunk.
Q: What’s a koala's face song? A: Never gonna give you up BECAUSE it hangs on the tree and the person is the tree?
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
what is the difference between a cow and me
nothing
Did you know that dogs started the street craps game?
What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A rooster clucks defiance!
Why don't the giraffes go to elementary school? Because they are already in high school.
Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.
What do you call seagulls that fly over a bay? Bay-gulls.
What did the bird say to the other bird?
Nothing, because birds can't talk.
I have a cow over at my house spending the night with me because she has been out in the streets homeless and poor, so my family forced it to come and live with me at my place.
The cow asks me, "Where do I keep all the dairy items like the milk, cheese, yogurt, and meat?" I tell her, "In the refrigerator! Where do you think I keep them, on the farm with all the rest of those cows?"
That night we had to share a room and sleep in the same damn bed. Then she started getting high and drank some cow wine with titty milk, and it made her shit all over the bed.
