Llama: Hey sheep, let's play cards.
Sheep: Llama, fuck off!!
Llama: What's your damn problem?
Sheep: Nothing, I'm just having a Baahd day, okay dick head?
Animal Jokes
What's a whale's favorite James Bond movie? "License to Krill."
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Child: *drinking milk*
Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?
Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.
Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.
Child: *realizes*
My grandpa has the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Watch this dog https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gM8gBVjVTaQ
Where does a French cat live?
- In Purr-is
OR
- In the Catacombs
OR
- In a chat-eau.
What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!
What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?
One’s a heated yam, and the other’s a YEATED HAM!
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Ima start callin' these hoes roosters, 'cause any cock-a-do.
I should name my dog Ariana Grande.
That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.
What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?
"That's nacho cheese!"
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
What do you call a dino stripper?
A dinohore.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.
What do you call a cow without legs?
Ground beef!
What food does a Cheetah eat?
Cheetos!
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Lean meat.
What do you feed a group of octopuses for dessert?
Octopie!
