Ani jokes

Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke weed.

Jack and Jill got high, and Jack ripped Jill's clothes right off her. Then Jill ripped Jack's clothes off. Jack, when they were fully naked, they started to kiss, but Jack stopped. Jill said, "I know you wanna." Jack said, "No," but Jill jumped on that candy stick anyway. Jack gave in to Jill.

Jill got off, then let Jack suck her candy stick. Jill sucked on Jack's candy stick.

There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!

So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.

So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"

If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:

1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?

2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?

3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?

4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?

5. Was this funny?

If a tree could be any animal, what would it be?

Answer: A dog because of its bark lol. 😀

Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?

HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.

Sister: You're so stupid.

Me: Calling me stupid doesn't make you any smarter!

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

"Why couldn’t the DJ keep any of the fish he caught?

He kept dropping the bass."

Why do they call them a nonce?

Because they go for people who don't have any sense.

Anybody who doesn't like Pepsi is a Coke-sucker!

What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?

Any ideas?

SHIT!!!!

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

For any bag of chips, it's considered family size.

Any 8 year old: Sus!

Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!

Do you know why boys can't ask girls out? Because they don't have any balls to ask girls out!

Doctor, what is wrong with me?

You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.

I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.

How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.