Ani jokes

There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!

So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.

So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"

If there was a quiz on midgets, here’s the Midget quiz and the questions that would be on it:

1. When midgets get high on any drug, do they get high or medium?

2. Do midgets come out the closet or the cabinet?

3. Are Midgets related to Snow White’s 7 Dwarfs?

4. Is a midget just a human without the mushroom in Mario?

5. Was this funny?

Why do they call them a nonce?

Because they go for people who don't have any sense.

Sister: You're so stupid.

Me: Calling me stupid doesn't make you any smarter!

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?

Any ideas?

SHIT!!!!

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

"Why couldn’t the DJ keep any of the fish he caught?

He kept dropping the bass."

If a tree could be any animal, what would it be?

Answer: A dog because of its bark lol. 😀

Anybody who doesn't like Pepsi is a Coke-sucker!

How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.

Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden."

Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."

Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet!"

There’s a one-story house in which everything is yellow. Yellow walls, yellow doors, yellow furniture. What color are the stairs?

Answer: There aren’t any—it’s a one-story house.

Anyone got any new jokes? I ran through all the pages already.

A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.

The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.

The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.

For any bag of chips, it's considered family size.

Any 8 year old: Sus!

Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!

Do you know why boys can't ask girls out? Because they don't have any balls to ask girls out!