Ani jokes

Liberal

    • The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.

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    • Bar

    • A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Are there any girls here?”

    The bartender says, “No, only women.”

    The man then leaves.

    Dark Humor

    • Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

    Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

    Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

    Dad: "Exactly, son."

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    • Ani memes

    Ice Cream

    • An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"

    Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"

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    • Train

    • Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

    After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

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    • Worm

    • I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.

    About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."

    I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."

    Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"

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    • Printer

    • I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.

    "Where's the coloured printer?" he said.

    "Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.

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    • Front

    • Adding a "gl" in front of "camping" doesn't make it any better.

    If you add a "gl" in front of "Adolf Hitler," it doesn't make him a great guy.

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    • Food

    • I remember the time Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... too bad it was so short he couldn’t find any.

    Ocean

    • What does the ocean do to its friends? It waves. (*Sorry, I wasn’t making any jokes for a while. I was getting sick of this thing.*)

    Babysitter

    • Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.

    I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.

    When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.

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