Always jokes
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔
Why do orphans always have water in their cereal? Because the dad never came back with the milk.
Random words in my keyboard:
The most annoying part of this game has always been that the players don’t know how much time it takes to get to the table before you start playing them.
I forgot my lucky egg! It always gives me an eggcellent amount of luck!
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
If you go broke, you could always rent parking garages on your huge ass forehead.
As a little boy, I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.
The next day my dad tells me, "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."
So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked, "Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy."
A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.
What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.
What kind of instrument is always having to go potty?
A pee-ano/piano.
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? They always eat the bat.
Latias is red.
Latios is blue.
You should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu.
Rizz,
Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.
Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.
You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.
No matter how lonely you get, you have Explain Bear.
Explain Bear is always there for you.