What do people with cancer always want to watch?
"Finding Chemo."
Hey everyone, I'm back because I'm sinking back towards depression because my sister is really being a bitch, and my parents always side with her, and the stress over online school is just getting overwhelming, and I'm seriously considering hanging myself to end it all because the pain is just... terrible, and I feel like I'm not worth life.
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
I tell short people to reach for the stars.
They are always a bit short of reach.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
...Because there's always a cast!
Why was the Cheetah not allowed to do tests?
Because it always cheated.
People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?
Do you know why dead baby jokes are always funny?
They never get old.
Why does an orphan hate the internet?
Because he's always on the homepage.
Why do 911 jokes always fail?
They always crash and burn!
Why can’t you play games with cats? Because they always ‘cheetah’.
I always think that percussions are golden, but cheeks are brass.
Why are cheetahs not good at hiding?
They’re always spotted!
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
When I have a staring contest, I always win.
Every day, I see blind people who hate me.
Dude, 9/11 jokes always bomb.
What store does an orphan always get kicked out of?
Home Depot.
Why was Stephen Hawking always like this 🫠?
Because he didn’t have emojis on his computer.
You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.
Me: I am the second worst thing that happened to these orphans.
Friend: What was the first?
Me: They- they weren't always orphans.
Friend: O-O
