Alternative jokes

Why use Heathrow when we have your forehead?

In an alternate universe: I don't know how to solve the power of 10, but I do know how to pay taxes.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Pornhub is down, your mum's Facebook will do.

A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."

What's an Emo's favorite drink?

Water, JK it's cyanide.

Whatever happened to the emo? (wrong answer only)

What is black and white and is dead?

My Chemical Romance.

When you are stressing from homework, just do some skateboarding and kick butt.

I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.

He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.

I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".

If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".

If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".

I'm actually against abortion.

Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!

I downloaded Fruit Ninja so I can cut fruit instead of myself.