Alternative jokes
Orphans might as well join the military or a gang because they have no family.
I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".
If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".
If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
Know your ABCs! Assholes, bitches, and cocaine!
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.
He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."
What do you call a flat-chested emo?
A cutting board.
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
Man, I don’t need Viagra when I see Mara!
The next time I knock on your door, I'll hit you instead of the door.
What does the Trump administration use instead of emails? Alternative fax.
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
Osama be like: "Fuck boys, runway is full, better use this tower!"
Whatever happened to the emo? (wrong answer only)
I downloaded Fruit Ninja so I can cut fruit instead of myself.
A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."
I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.
He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Pornhub is down, your mum's Facebook will do.
Why have sex when you can perv on your neighbor's grandma!
Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.