Alternative jokes

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"

God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."

What's an Emo's favorite drink?

Water, JK it's cyanide.

Whatever happened to the emo? (wrong answer only)

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.

It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

What is black and white and is dead?

My Chemical Romance.

I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"

Alternative punchline:

"I had to call social services, she was only 14."

What do you call a flat-chested emo?

A cutting board.

If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?

The Royal Commission.

Alternatively, Tony Abbott.

What does the Trump administration use instead of emails? Alternative fax.

Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.

In an alternate universe: I don't know how to solve the power of 10, but I do know how to pay taxes.

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.

Hello guys, imagine if we had no school and we get to do whatever we want without parents telling us what to do! What place would you want to call it and what would the fun things we get to do be? I would call it "Happy world for kids." Leave a comment telling me what it would be called! Enjoy! :)

Women should be allowed to choose: dishes or cooking first.

Is Gwen still on this app thing?

Sam Gonzales